Decisions, Decisions…

We all have to make them. Sometimes they are as simple as deciding what pair of socks go best with an outfit, or if you want your hair parted to the left today. But sometimes the decisions that need to be made take a little more time, care and consideration.

With these more complex decisions we sometimes tend to look to others for advice. Lord knows I have done my fair share of consulting my trusted inner circle, as have they consulted me. But when we do this, is it because we are truly incapable of making a decision for ourselves, or is it that we just want someone to talk things out with?

How many times have you given advice to someone you care about and then they do the complete opposite? And there you are saying to yourself, “What the hell?!” We have all been there, but here is something to remember. We can give the best advice we have to those we care about, but at the end of the day they are the ones living their life, not us.

This is why I tend to give advice in the context of “if it were me”, and I always tell them they have to do what they know in their heart is right, because again, they have to live with the decision. And the “if it were me” scenario isn’t always accurate either, because quite often we don’t know how we will react to a situation until we are faced with it.

So when you have given your advice and/or opinion, and they do the complete opposite, don’t get upset with them. They have their own reasons for making the decisions they do. Just be happy, and even grateful, that they felt they could trust you and count on you to be supportive. I mean, think about it, do you really want someone dictating to you how to live your life? Probably not, but it is nice to have someone who will listen. And sometimes it is nice to hear another point of view.

I know for me, I always appreciate all the advice I get, and I do take it to heart. I may not follow the advice to a t, but I do always take something away from it and apply it to my decision.

So to those of you who have been there for me, thank you! Your advice was not ignored. And to those of you that I have been there for, I understand.

We only get one life, and we have to live it the way we are happiest, whether anyone else understands or not. One thing is for certain, we cannot get through it without a shoulder to lean on from time to time.

G.

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Duct Tape, Super Glue & Rubber Bands…

All our trusty standby’s for when we need to fix something, but unfortunately they cannot fix everything. It would be wonderful if we could super glue a broken heart back together, duct tape a fractured relationship to hold it in place, or rubber band trust to keep it secure. Yes, that would be a beautiful thing…or would it?

Maybe some things have to fall apart. Maybe they need to fall apart for us to see how much we really appreciate them. To see if we really want to fight for them and put in the effort to sustain them. Maybe they fall apart in order to come together again and be stronger than before.

I think when there is a separation then that is an opportunity for us to be honest with ourselves. A time to for us to reflect and really find out what we want.

Relationships are never easy, there are always twists and turns. None of us are perfect, we won’t always agree, and sometimes we won’t be able to stand the sight of each other. But that’s because we’re human, we’re individuals, and we have our own identity. At least we should.

It’s great to enjoy the same things and have similar interests, and to even try new things with each other, but it is never healthy to “fuse together” for every single thing. Especially if you are living together. If you live together, and you know at the end of the day your person will be there, then there is no need to be together every waking moment of every single day.

Take some time to run separate errands, do a little shopping or go to a movie…just do something apart from each other. Then when you come together at the days end you will have something fresh to discuss. Conversations become stagnate when they are always about the same old thing, then you start to have fewer conversations causing a break in communication and that is never a good thing.

If you are in a relationship with someone, and you are wanting them to be a part of your life, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to go through the tough times. Ask yourself if you are willing to work for the relationship, if you are willing to fight for each other even when you want to fight with each other. And to me it doesn’t matter if you are married or not. If you are making a commitment to someone you need to be able to back it up.

So yes, duct tape, super glue and rubber bands won’t fix everything, but that’s because some things are worth the extra care, effort and attention. If something is truly meaningful to you then you don’t want a quick fix, you want a permanent repair. And yes, even the most dismal of situations can be repaired.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Yesterdays and Tomorrows

There is a quote I heard on one of my favorite television shows that says, “You get to a point in your life where you realize you’ve got more yesterdays than tomorrows.” I believe I am far from that point, but I do hope that for however many tomorrows I have left, I won’t have to spend them alone. That I will have someone who will stand by my side and be supportive, someone who will fight for me just as I will for them, someone who will love me and protect me, someone who is happy simply being with me.

Seems like that would be a fairly reasonable wish, I mean (insert sarcastic narcissism humor please) I am ridiculously adorable and extremely fun to be around, but certainly all that perfection can become taxing. 😀  No, I am far from prefect. I am just as flawed as anyone else. I have made mistakes, lacked proper judgment, and wore two different shoes with my shirt on backwards. Hey it happens, and usually it happens to the best of us. Those of us who at heart try to be the best person we can be, who try to be forgiving and understanding, respectful and caring. But when it comes time for us to be in need of that compassion, we find ourselves cast out in the cold, and quite often by those same ones we once had compassion for.

For example, a former friend of mine had an affair with my ex-husband when we were married (as was she), after about four years I foolishly forgave her which in turn gave her new opportunities to sabotage more relationships, that of the romantic nature and of friendship. She is someone who has managed to get her way with everything she wants through deceit and manipulation, while those of us who work hard and try to play by the rules still struggle.

But she is not the only that has hurt me, she is not the only one I have let back into my life time and time again, and I am not the only person whom this has ever happened to. So let’s not turn it into a pity party because that was not my intent.

The point I am getting at goes solely back to the quote. One day we will have more yesterdays than tomorrows, and we have no idea when that will happen. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring. So work on today. Be the best person you can be. Be supportive, and loving, and compassionate to the ones you want to while you can. If they can’t give it back to you it doesn’t mean they are horrible. It is when they take everything and offer nothing that you have to be alarmed. Some people are just selfish, some people are just incapable, and some people just don’t care. We have no control over that, we can only control our own behavior and reactions. If you can fall asleep at night knowing you did the best you could for that day, and you didn’t purposely set out to hurt anyone, then I would say you are on the right path to all your heart’s desires.

See, some people may look for the fast and easy route to get what they want, while the rest of us struggle and work hard with minimal results, but that’s ok. Because while they are continuously bored and looking for the next thing to distract them and give instant gratification, us strugglers will be appreciating all that we have earned. We’ll be enjoying it and loving life.

We want the dream job, the dream house, the dream relationship…and we want it NOW! But we can’t have it yet. We are still growing, still learning, still building that path. We know that nothing worthwhile comes easy, but if you can’t handle the struggle before you get there, how will you handle the struggle to stay there?

Think about those people in relationships who say they want to be together forever (whether married or not) but at the first sign of difficulty they are ready to jump ship. They will never be successful in a relationship because they can’t weather the storm. The waves are going to get choppy, the wind is going to howl, but when that sun rises again and the skies are bright and blue, who do you want next to you?

So don’t give up. Don’t take the easy route at the expense of others. Don’t take anything you love for granted. And don’t worry about the others who stepped on you to try and get there first. You are going somewhere far better! We will all get to our destination, our dreams will come true. Just believe in yourself and your decisions! And if you have a misstep along the way, shake it off. Forgive yourself, apologize if you must, and carry on, because tomorrow could be the day you realize you have more yesterdays.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

“Listen To Me”

It’s what we always seem to say to our children, but when do we listen to them? When do we give them the platform to speak their minds and voice their opinions?

In my house, I have always encouraged my kids to speak up, telling them that God gave them a brain and voice for reason. All I ask is that they remain respectful with it, and to remember that they still may not get their way. I want them to grow up and be able to make decisions for themselves. To stand up for themselves. I mean, after all we are raising human beings, not sock puppets.

It saddens me though to hear my daughter tell of how in school she doesn’t feel free to voice her opinion and speak her mind. Apparently if what they say is not agreeable with the discussion at hand, or is perceived to be negative, then they are sent to the office and forced to discuss their feelings.

Not every child who has a difference of opinion from their peers, teachers and/or parents are troubled. Sometimes they are just comfortable in their own individuality. They know the difference between right and wrong. And shouldn’t that be a good thing? Personally, I prefer my children to be their own person and to not feel like they have to fit in with the crowd. They don’t need to feel that pressure of not measuring up. They are perfect being themselves, and the ones who choose to be their friends will do so because of who they are and not who they know.

So let’s allow these kids to be kids. Let them have a crazy hairstyle for a while, let them dress with their own sense of fashion, let them join band, play sports or learn chess if they want. Just allow them the chance to find out who they are. To build confidence in themselves, and to know that they have the support of the most important person in their lives…You; Mom, Dad, Grandparent, Guardian. Guide them on their path of learning and self-discovery, don’t mold them with conformity, and they will respect and appreciate you more than you could have imagined. Try to remember how things felt for you at that age, really remember, I bet you will be surprised at what comes to mind.

These are our children, our gift from God. We are to nurture and shelter them, to protect and strengthen them, to teach them how to survive before turning them loose in this world. Do we really want generations of co-dependent non-thinkers? No, let’s build generations of strong individuals who have the confidence to live their lives in the best way they can. To know that if they have a difference of opinion they won’t be judged for it. To know they are simply perfect just the way they are because we have loved them simply for who they are.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Comfort of Depression

Sounds confusing right? When is depression ever comfortable? Well trust me, I have discovered over the course of many conversations with various people that it is in fact a place of comfort.

I have dealt with my own fair share of depression, my own and that of those I have loved. You yourself have dealt with it as well, admit it, we all go through it at least once in our lives. But why is it that some people seem to recover rather quickly, while others battle for the rest of their lives? They battle for their lives, or do they?

If we all took a moment and truly evaluated our lives I think we could all find that we have at least one thing to be thankful for in life. How about the fact that we have the gift of life? Sure, we’ve gone through hard times, we’ve made mistakes, but everyone does. It is essential to our existence and growth to have those experiences. But when they happen we have to remember that it was only a moment. A simple blip on the radar of our entire life. We have to learn from it and move on, not let it hold us prisoner.

Believe me, I have had upset and hurt, love and loss, and certainly mistakes that I am not proud of. But they happened, they happen to all of us in some way, shape or form. And when did they happen? At the brink of pure bliss and happiness right? You were soaring on cloud nine when a forceful, blistering wind sent you plunging to the ground. And that is where depression becomes comfortable.

Depression is safe because you know what to expect, you know the darkness will always be there for you. But happiness, happiness is terrifying because at any given moment it could be ripped away from you, no warning, no ability to stop it, just gone. But depression is always there…dark, consistent and never failing.

But you must get back up. You must carry on. Start over if you must, forgive if you must (especially yourself) but get up! Press forward because your dreams are still out there. They may be presented to you in a vision you never once saw, but open your eyes and you will see. You have so much to be thankful for, and could even have so much more, but if you are too afraid to step out of the comfort zone of your depression you will forever be shrouded in blackness.

Live! Love! Laugh! It will be ok!!

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Unrequited Love…

What is it? By Definition it is “not reciprocated or returned in kind”, this seems painfully and obviously true, but is there something deeper to it? When you love someone, and you have spent a somewhat significant portion of your life with them, how can they simply feel nothing? And is it ever enough to just know that they “care” about you? Maybe not…

But we hold on don’t we? We hold on with hope, with love, with faith. We grasp ahold of any possible glimmer of affection with the desire that it will manifest into exactly what we feel for them. But it doesn’t does it? Is it because we’re flawed in some way? Hell, we are all flawed in our own ways, so no, I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s that one is not always capable of expressing their true feelings, but the question is why?

Why can’t they express it, but why do we hang on? (Sigh) Love, Love, Love, it’s all we hear about growing up. How it’s supposed to be this saving grace from all the pain of the world, yet when we get it we seem to always find new pains don’t we? Which brings another question to mind…is it the love we can’t live without, or is it the pain? Each causes us to feel, thereby confirming our existence, but which is greater? In the case of unrequited love, I must say the pain is more intense, but the love…the love does seem to make all else disappear.

So now imagine if they would return the love. How wonderful would it be to have a life full and complete with all emotional balance? So what is the hindrance? Once again my best guess is fear. Fear, that evil word filled with death and despair of one’s hopes, dreams and desires. Fear will destroy your entire existence if you allow it to. So don’t!! Don’t be afraid of what you know will make you happy. Be more afraid of losing it, be more afraid of never trying. Life is too short for missed opportunity. Live it while you’ve got it. Do everything in your power to be as happy as you can for as long as you can. Because while you’re sitting there gripping your fear of loving someone, that person is sitting grasping their hope that you will, and all the while life is passing you both by. Open your heart. Let them in and let the fear out. If you’ve got someone in your life who accepts you entirely as you are, and who makes life a bit more bearable and enjoyable, then you’ve got it made!

There will always be difficult moments, but wouldn’t you rather have someone who you know will still love you even if you’ve just had the worst fight ever? Don’t you want someone to make up with? Someone to hold close and apologize to when you realize what a complete and utter jackass you’ve been? I know I do, but maybe that is unrequited too…

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Addiction Has Set In…

I AM A RUNNER! Yesterday I had the unbelievably amazing experience of completing my first half marathon! This course took me from Detroit, over the Ambassador Bridge to Windsor, through the tunnel (known as the underwater mile) and back into Detroit where I completed the last 5 miles to the finish line. What a beautiful sight it was seeing that finish line before me. I found myself entranced, filled with determination and excitement, and when I crossed it my world became even more fulfilled.

The entire experience itself was more than I could have ever imagined. I had quite a few fears I was facing, and I conquered them! I had zero hesitation, not a single second of doubt, I was for the first time in my life filled with 100% confidence in myself and my abilities. What a turning point!

The race was humbling and inspiring in so many ways and for so many reasons. One in particular was as I was facing a lull in my pace (one of many I must say) I looked over to see a man well into his 70’s hunched over and passing me, talk about a kick in the butt for determination 🙂 There were people of all shapes and sizes, all ages, all genders, all races…it was a beautiful experience to see everyone there pushing themselves to reach their own personal goals.

I am uncharacteristically proud of myself (I am typically my own worst critic). I managed to accomplish something that at one time I would have never thought possible. I got over the bridge without tripping and rolling off into the river, I got through the tunnel without dropping to the fetal position and rocking with anxiety, and I ran over the finish line, no walking, no crawling and no being dragged, I ran with my head held high. True, it took me much longer than I had hoped, but I did it and that is something no one will ever take away from me. And I cannot wait to do it again! A true running addiction has now burrowed its way into my soul and I could not be happier! 🙂

I am thankful for all the people who supported me on this challenge. The encouragement, the listening, the friendship and the love. I am so blessed for all that I have, and I am honored to have so many amazing people in my life.

I just want to say to anyone who doubts their abilities…DON’T! You can do it! Set a goal for yourself, no matter how big or small, set it, commit to it, put your heart into and you will reach it! This was no easy feat for me. I struggled heavily with training, deeply with fear, but I never let the doubt in. Believe in yourself and your dreams will come true. With every step taken, with every goal reached, you will find yourself no longer looking back, you will begin to focus forward on what your next accomplishment will be, and you will get there! As Albert Einstein once said, “You never fail until you stop trying”.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

When Love Isn’t Enough…

I suppose sometimes it is not. But the question is, why?

Are we making poor choices? Are we unknowingly seeking out the least attainable one because we have some deep seeded fear of a real relationship? Maybe for some people that is true, but in the grand scheme of things I think we are meant to be where we are for a reason. The loves in our lives have all taught us lessons. Whether good or bad, we learned something from them. But if we’re learning then why are we making the same mistakes?

Is it possible to love someone too much? I’m beginning to think in my case this is true. I give without hesitation, I adore the person I am with to the moon and back. And it is not out of desperation, it is simply that once my heart opens to you it is like opening a floodgate for love. But with each experience I have had, I have found my love is unwelcomed. What does one do when they are practically willing to burn themselves at the stake for the one they love, yet their loved one is happily sitting by waiting to toast marshmallows in the flames?

Maybe the person you love is so broken within themselves that they believe they are incapable of loving you back. Maybe they are just terrified. Terrified of repeating their own mistakes. Terrified of being hurt again. But if you already know the other person loves you then how can you go wrong?

We have to stop being afraid of everything. All the things that could bring us the greatest joys in life are right at our fingertips, but most of us are so filled with fear that we either can’t see it or we ignore it. Fear is the greatest enemy of our happiness. We have to learn to conquer it so we can thrive, and live, and be happy the way we deserve to be.

I think sometimes we get so stuck on an ideal image of how we think our lives will be that we can’t imagine anything else. Unfortunately not everything goes as we plan. Yes, we all know that one couple who have been together since high school and are still going strong, and I think that is a beautiful thing and they are very fortunate. But some of us have to travel a different path to get to where we are going.

I know that if I had stayed where I was 15 years ago I would never be here today. I would not be writing, I would not be living, and all my creativity and belief in myself would have been forever stifled. I am now in a place where I am free to be me and I am accepted for who I am. Sure, maybe it would have been easier to stay where I was and just endure it for the status quo, but when has anything worthwhile ever been easy?

I struggle everyday with things, most of us do, but we can’t let those struggles break us because honestly and truly they are building us. There are days I would just like to hop on a plane, destination unknown, and just be. But then what? Who would I have to laugh with? Who would I have to fight with? Who would I have to laugh with about how stupid the fight was we just had? 😉

I am not without fear. I am not without insecurities. I am not without jealousy. I am not without doubt. I am human just like you, and admit or not, we all feel these emotions at some point. Sometimes they’re justified, and sometimes they are not. The key is to not let them control you. When you get a bad emotion roll with it, let it do its little song and dance in your psyche and then just shoo it along. I tell you to do this because each of those negative emotions, while controlled, teach you, build you and strengthen you.

So maybe it is true… sometimes love isn’t enough, and sometimes it’s too much. But if you have the slightest ounce of love to give then by all means share it. We are all only here for a short time, why not make that time the happiest it can be? You never know what tomorrow will bring, so love who you can, while you can. And if you have someone that loves you back then you can never go wrong. Let go of the fear and be happy!

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

MISSION: HALF MARATHON

As I sit here on the eve of what is my one week countdown to Mission: Half Marathon, I find myself filled with both excitement and terror. Training for this goal of mine has been less than kind. So why the hell am I doing it?! Because there is something inside me that needs to know I have conquered this. I know some people have wondered why I am doing this, especially when training has been so difficult for me, but they simply are not able to understand the depth of this challenge for me. And their failure to understand is not due to incompetency, it is just that, until now, this has been something personal I have kept inside.

It is more than just a physical goal I seek, it is also one of emotion. To finish this race will be more than just completing a run for me. In taking this journey I am battling personal demons, conquering fears, and proving to myself that I can in fact do anything I set my mind to. If…no…when I finish this race I will not be the same woman I am today. With every minute of every mile I hope to shed my past. Rid myself of the old me that seems so unrelatable now. No longer being afraid of failing, no longer allowing myself to be held back from my dreams. This is a challenge I have placed for myself against my biggest opponent in life…Myself.

Too often I have shied away from what I really want in this life, and it has been purely out of fear. I have a vision for my life, goals that some can’t even dream of, and I will never see them come to light until I fully learn to set all fear aside for good and walk purely in faith. I take on this challenge to prove to no one other than myself that I can do it. I will cross that finish line. As I told my cousin earlier today, if I have to run, walk, crawl or have someone drag my tattered body over it, I will cross it 🙂

Yes, I will cross that bridge and shed my fear. I will emerge from that tunnel and feel reborn. I will cross that finish line and never look back. This is my race, my journey, my life.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Musicians Are People Too…

Aren’t they?

I write this because lately I’ve notice some of my favorite bands have had to make adjustments to their tour schedule due to “personal reasons”. Now sadly, the first thing anyone ever seems to assume is that it’s due to drug use. Many of these bands have fought hard to recover and maintain their sobriety, and to automatically assume and judge them is purely disrespectful of their accomplishments. Maybe “personal reasons” has to do with an ill family member. Maybe they themselves are feeling under the weather, and rather than give a mediocre performance, feel it would be best to post-pone for a better time. These guys run themselves ragged with near non-stop touring, and sometimes maybe they just need to put themselves first.

I think we as “fans” often take for granted that our musical “heroes”, if you will, are really people just like us. They just seem to have a much more glamorous and fulfilling job. What we fail to remember is that while they are giving us a gift of live musical entertainment, they are away from their homes, from their families, their children and loved ones. We do not own these musicians. We are not entitled to have them at our beckon call. No, we are privileged that they are willing to sacrifice their personal lives for our entertainment. I think we need to be more grateful and appreciative of them sharing their talent with us.

Imagine a world without your favorite bands…no Motley Crue, no Thirty Seconds To Mars, no Nine Inch Nails, no Jane’s Addiction, no Filter, no Papa Roach, no Bon Jovi…yeah, I said it, don’t judge 😉 But really, we are quite fortunate. I myself have been extremely fortunate to meet some of these musicians and let me tell you, they are nothing short of selfless. There they are playing non-stop for hours and they will still take the time to greet a fan and ultimately make that person’s world an unforgettable place. They are not responsible for our happiness, but at the end of the day that is what they give us.

So I just want to say thank you! Thank you to Richard Patrick of Filter for taking pictures and signing autographs with us fans. Thank you to Jonny Radtke of Filter/Kill Hannah/Polar Moon for taking the time away from your friends and bandmates to hang out and chat with your fans and make their dreams come true. Thank you to Queensryche, who never fail to spend time talking with their fans. And to all the others who I have and haven’t met, thank you! Yes, you all chose this magical life of being a “rock star” because it was your dream, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. We fans need to be respectful of the fact that this is your dream, just as we’d like others to respect ours, whatever they may be. It’s not easy chasing dreams and making them come true, sacrifices will always be made. But at the end of the day you need to be happy and at peace with your choices, and no one has the right to judge anyone for that.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Death of Romance?

Is romance dead? Personally, I don’t think so, but I do believe it has been forced to the back burner of life. We all find ourselves so consumed with work, children, finances, etc., but what about our relationships? Why do we wait until we get to the point of “I don’t know what happened” before we realize how much the other person means to us? If the relationship is good, and you make each other happy, then start learning how to build on that. When everything else around you seems as if it’s falling apart, remind yourself that you are very fortunate for having someone in your life who will care for you and love you in spite of all obstacles and challenges. So you did not meet a deadline, you encountered unbelievable road rage, your child is sick, you bounced a check, or you ran out of beer…well guess what? Shit happens a.k.a. life. Don’t let it break you, because it’s only a moment in time. Take this opportunity to call your other half, or stop by to see their beautiful face, allow them the opportunity to be the partner they should be, and when necessary, return the favor.  Sometimes we need someone to hold us up a bit to feel better, sometimes we need to be the one holding someone up to feel better. It can, at times, be a pleasant distraction to forget about our worries for a while and help someone out with theirs.

And so, back to the romance. It is not dead. It is simply hidden under a mist of distraction. Don’t allow life’s unpleasant obstacles to take you away from the beautiful joys that are at hand. Appreciate each other, care for each other, lean on each other, and support each other. We don’t get many chances to find someone to balance our lives, so when you do, don’t let it sail away. Flowers? Sure they’re nice. Poems? Always enchanting. Heartfelt emails/letters? It nice to know what they feel inside. But sometimes a simple gaze into one’s eyes, a soft stroke of the cheek, a smile for some unknown reason, a kiss on the forehead, or the pushing back of one’s hair is all that is needed. Romance doesn’t have to be costly, and it shouldn’t be. Romance, by definition, is simply “a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.” I think we can all manage that can’t we?

So it’s simple, embrace what you have, nurture it, never neglect it, and remember when all the world comes crashing down, at least you won’t have to suffer the impact alone.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Last Minute Random Thoughts…

We are where we are, because it is where we are meant to be…we have within our lives, exactly what we need…once we learn to accept this, and find a place of peace…all will be revealed, giving us more than we ever dreamed…

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

SUCCESS IN FAILURE…

Over the past few days I have been privy to some varied topics in life. And while all are vastly different, and seem un-relatable, I find myself drawing the same conclusion for them all.

I think it all comes down to a matter of responsibility, and ownership of one’s own behavior. Acceptance for what is, and the role you played to create it. Maturity, and courage, to look at oneself and say “it’s me, I caused this”.

On one hand, you’ve got someone who fails to pay their bills, and then doesn’t understand why the world is so unfair and unwilling to help. Well when did your lack of responsibility become the world’s problem? How is it fair that you now expect everyone else to jump through hoops to correct the mess that you created?

On another hand, you’ve got someone who tries to take the easy way out and avoid dealing with life by numbing the pain with drugs and/or alcohol. But when that all backfires it’s everyone else’s fault. Now it’s “everyone is against me”, “no one cares or understands”, “what about what I’m entitled to for all my sufferings”, and so on. We have all heard it from someone in our lives at one time or another.

And then, on yet another hand, you’ve got the ones who expect the world to coddle and shelter them from the realities of life. Oh sure, let’s keep everything fair in a child’s game so no one loses and everyone feels good about themselves. Yeah, let’s teach the kids who have the ability to excel, and the drive to succeed and win, to hold back. To not be all that they can be to their fullest potential because someone may get their feelings hurt. Let’s teach the kids who tend to struggle more to be ok with mediocrity, and never show them how to work hard for their dreams. I’m sorry, but if you can’t teach your child how to be a good loser in a game, you are setting them up for failure in life.

We all lose, we all fail, we all try and we all see someone do it better, but there are things we do ourselves that are better than some. Sure, we all want our child to be the star, no one wants to see their child disappointed or let down. But if we could teach them early on that it’s ok to be disappointed, it’s ok to not be the best at something, it’s ok to go out there and give your heart to the game, or whatever it may be, and still lose. It’s ok because you tried, you tried when others were too afraid. You tried when someone else was unable to. You tried because it was what you wanted, and in trying, you succeed. Maybe not in the way you had hoped and planned on, but in a way that made you grow as a person, in a way that taught you a lesson. You succeeded in showing yourself that you have the ability to go after whatever your heart desires.

None of us want to face tough times in life, but life is tough. We can’t just give up and hide in a dark, unhealthy place. We can’t just sit there and point the finger of blame at everyone else. We make decisions and choices every single day, sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad, and sometimes they’re embarrassing, but they are all a part of our own journey. We need to accept it when we screw up, because WE ALL DO! Myself included, and in my mistakes I have learned many valuable lessons. Maybe we have things we would like to change if we could, but we all know that is not possible. So we accept it, we acknowledge it, and we move on. Apologize for things if you must, and then accept it. Forgive yourself and move on with the lesson learned. Your choices and your actions, while they may have been encouraged and fueled by other factors, were your choices and your actions alone. There are no scapegoats, we have only ourselves to look at.

So there it is, my point, responsibility, ownership of one’s own behavior, acceptance, maturity and courage. All are required for any type of success.

Just remember, we have to lose and we have to fail, it is the only way to truly learn to appreciate success. But from each failure and each loss, we have to pick ourselves up and keep going. Life is hard, it is messy, and it sure as hell isn’t fair. But it is still the most wonderful thing ever.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Speak Up For Yourself and Your Relationships…

Quite often I find myself the “unofficial therapist” to friends and loved ones. I don’t mind it at all; in fact I have at times thought maybe that is my true calling in life. At any rate, these conversations we have always get me thinking (as if I need any help with that). Lately, there have been a lot of relationship conversations…when to say when type of things. When should you give up? How do you turn away from someone you love? Yadda, yadda, and so on. I have this one friend in particular who I am very close with; let’s call her Abigail, Abby for short. Abby and I have been together for many years, and we have been through it all…divorce, heartache, abuse, love, children…you name it, we have seen it. Lately though she’s been struggling with her current relationship and I really don’t know what to tell her. So I come to you all.

Abby is with a man who is quite wonderful, and he has made her happier than I have ever seen, but he has a hesitation about him and is at times very withdrawn. Abby contributes this to his life stresses, and tries to be supportive, considerate, and understanding. She is very open and giving of herself, which typically sets her up for heartache, but I am hoping this time will not be the case. Rex (sounds like a good name) is very polite, he has a wonderful heart, and he clearly cares for Abby very much, but there does seem to be some sort of wall he tries to keep in place. Almost as if he is afraid to allow himself to feel too much.

Another part of the issue plaguing her is that she is fearful he is still in love with his ex-wife, leaving him unable to freely love her. This woman has clearly moved on and is very happy, so I know she has nothing to worry about. Personally, I feel if there is any “love” left for the ex it is purely a love of distorted memory. Let’s face it; we have all had those times where we have built a relationship up in our minds to something so grand and amazing, while in reality it was nowhere near a fraction of that fantasy. I think we sometimes do this to maybe justify why we held on so long, or maybe it’s to punish ourselves for wrongs we committed. Either way it is deceitful and dangerous to us. We need to look at past relationships for what they were. They fell apart for a reason, regardless of who the initial wrong doer was, if there even was one, events and behaviors occurred that led to the relationship’s demise. So why do we hang on and prevent ourselves from having a beautiful life? Why is Abby hanging on when Rex seems unable to give her what she needs? This is what I want to sort out.

Abby, like me, believes in accepting a person for who they are. Not who you would like them to become, or who you think you can mold them into. No, we accept people in our lives flaws and all, and sometimes we love them more for those flaws. But in accepting those flaws are we giving the other person a free pass to never make an effort? Are we telling them we’re okay with accepting less than we know we deserve? How do you say you accept someone, but then want to place demands on them? But is it really “demanding” to say that you need love and affection? Is it too much to want courtesy and respect, especially if you’re giving that to them? I suppose this also leads into the old song and dance of how men and women think differently. We know it’s true. I have researched it endlessly, and still do, it’s a reality. We’re wired differently, and that’s ok. I suppose if I wanted to be with someone who thinks like a woman and treats me as I treat someone I’d be a lesbian…hmmm, maybe a topic for another discussion one day.

So why do we love men when they are so infuriating at times? Why are we putting up with their inability to express themselves? Probably the same reason they love us when we can be royal pains in the ass too (admit it, you know it’s true ladies). There is a balance that comes with it, at least for me there is. I enjoy the challenge. I enjoy learning that maybe my way isn’t the only way. I have learned a lot about myself and life, especially in my current relationship, and I have become a better and stronger person because of it. But that’s me, and I’m rambling. Back to Abby and Rex.

The struggle she is having is that she loves him with all of her heart, and wants nothing more than to be with him, but she is feeling depleted from giving so much. So does she say something to him? Does she tell him she needs more from him because she feels she is giving too much? In all fairness, he has not asked her for one thing, this is just the way she is, she gives her whole heart to those she loves. Sadly, and this is in all her relationships, no one gives her back the same, and that’s with friends and family too. But in her past experiences with these people, when she starts to pull back for her own well-being they are less than understanding, and often get angry with her. So this is her fear with Rex. If she asks for more, which I suspect he doesn’t even realize she needs, will he get mad and leave? I suppose if he were to leave over her expressing her needs and desires then maybe he isn’t the great guy we think he is, but after all this time they have spent together he should be able to listen. But does she bring up her concerns about his feelings for the ex? Again, I feel they should be able to talk about this, but I don’t think he is the best listener.

So what does she do? Does she take the chance that he may shut completely down and she may lose him? I am torn because I see how they are together, and it really is a wonderful thing, so I want it to work out. At the same time, I want her to be fully satisfied and receive the love she deserves. Should she just wait it out and see what happens? Maybe he’ll realize he’s been neglecting her, and even unfair a bit with certain things. I think this can all be worked through, but communication has to be there. They both need to express their hearts freely and listen to one another.

I guess I found my answer. If she truly loves this man, and wants him in her life, but wants to receive the same kind of adoration as she gives then she is going to have to speak up. If he is the stand-up man we all think he is then he will listen and be willing to give her what she needs, but she needs to listen to him as well. If he doesn’t want to lose her he will make the effort to keep their relationship strong, just as she is trying to do, but she has to speak up.

Men aren’t mind readers ladies, and neither are we. Perhaps this is why so many relationships falter…no one speaks up. You really can only blame the other party if you let your true desire’s be known and they still look away. So speak up! Lay your heart on the line. You took a chance when you began the relationship, and if it went well then imagine what you would have missed had you not tried. So take a chance to make your relationship stronger…you might be pleasantly surprised.

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Wasting time…

“You can waste your time looking back at a past you can never change, or you can look forward to the future of endless possibilities that await you. Myself, I prefer the latter. No the past wasn’t perfect, mistakes were made, but valuable lessons were learned. I won’t miss out on something great for a memory of what could have been.” ~gloria jean~

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

This is me…

Thirty-something and learning.

Yes, that’s me. I find as I go through life I am continuously in search of answers. I strive for understanding and making sense of all of life’s ups and downs. Like everyone, I’ve made mistakes…we’re human, that’s what we do 🙂

I am a mother, friend, lover, writer, unofficial therapist and at times, still a scared, confused girl.

I’m here to share my observations and thoughts on life. Some may agree with them, and some may find them silly. That’s ok, because this has been my journey…my lessons…my heartaches…and my joys. And good or bad, they have all brought me to where I am today.

I hope you will enjoy what I share. Here’s to understanding, comfort, giggles and tears…Here’s to life!

G

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.