In Her Madness…

As she peered out the window, studying the delicate rain, she came to one clear and concise realization….It was in her madness, where she made the most sense.

She herself was not mad, but the world she endured throughout her life. A world of lies and manipulation, filled with mental instability, addiction, and abuse. She found herself consumed with confusion, pain, and guilt, but most often, she just felt alone.

For years she suffered the judgment of others, but those who sat with their judgmental eyes were never able to see what was behind the closed doors. And the ones who did see, they were shunned and kept at bay.

Fighting, lying, hatred, hoarding, suicidal night watches…the helplessness she felt was enough to destroy a person. It was madness. Yet somehow she made it through, somehow she found herself. And in sorting through the bits and pieces, she finally realized she did make sense.

It wasn’t always that way though. There were times she felt she might lose herself, times she wanted to give up, but she pressed on. She searched for answers, for understanding, for peace….and somehow she found it.

She found it in the eyes of her children, in the comfort of friends, in the warmth and safety of her lover….she found it in her mirror’s reflection. There was a moment, when faced with herself where she had to choose. She could choose the frightened little girl still hiding in the corner, the misunderstood teen still looking for acceptance, the tormented wife still looking for truth, the betrayed friend still looking for answers, the damaged, misguided whore still looking for forgiveness. She could choose any of these lost souls staring back at her, all who were frantic and eager to emerge.

As she considered her options, she noticed one more. Standing quiet and peaceful beyond all the tormented eyes there was a woman. She was scarred, but it seemed as though the scars gave her strength. She had focus and purpose. She had love and confidence. She had contentment. As she studied this stoic figure, her choice became clear. All the haunted, despairing eyes peering back would forever be put to rest.

She chose the woman of strength and character. She chose herself. She chose me. For it was in my madness, where I made the most sense.

gj

©Gloria Tassen and Life According To G, 2014. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Gloria Tassen and Life According To G with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Published by g.

Greetings! I guess you're here to find out who I am...looks like we're in the same boat. I have been writing poetry since I was 16, not because I thought it was a "cool thing to do", but because if I didn't my head would have exploded. With a multitude of words billowing through my brain, I had no other choice but to let them out. Some have been funny, many have been sad, but mostly, they've been guideposts. Unfortunately, I do not write as much as I would like to, but I hope to rectify that. Aside from poetry, I dabble in novel-writing. I have many ideas jotted down, some of them I've started, and maybe one day I will actually get one finished (if I just didn't have to worry about working, paying bills, and simple basic survival). I spend a lot of my time supporting my kids dreams. My daughter is a musician, and my son is an athlete, so between music gigs and school sporting events, my time is pretty much consumed...but I love every single moment of it!! I am also passionate about environmental issues; always looking for ways to lend a hand. Currently, I have an Etsy shop where I sell crocheted items that I have personally made. A portion of the proceeds are going to be donated to two of my favorite charities; Mission Blue and Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation. You can learn more at https://www.etsy.com/shop/PeaceLoveGlo?ref=hdr_shop_menu Other than that, I love to travel! I hope to see as much of the world as possible. There is so much more out there than just where we are, and I feel it is a gift that we should not take for granted. Once upon a time I was a runner (though some may have called it jogging with enthusiasm), but my Achilles decided it didn't like that anymore so now we walk. I'm beginning to venture into yoga, which so far has been a pleasant experience, and if time will permit, I would like to start doing some hiking. I also love music and going to concerts, coffee is my best friend, and over thinking is my worst enemy. So that's pretty much me in a nutshell. Nothing too fancy or exciting, just a 40-something still trying to figure it all out. I hope you enjoy my ramblings. g. P. S. Remember, "Agree to disagree, for not one person is ever truly right."

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